Once upon a disaster
by Aky-san
Summary: Lucy and Natsu get assigned a task in school, to write their own story together, by writing a chapter each. And as always, it turns into a disaster... - Nalu AU Oneshot, with hints of other pairings. /Rated T for a bit of swearing/


**Once upon a disaster**

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Lucy and Natsu get assigned a task in school, to write their own story together, by writing a chapter each. And as always, it turns into a disaster...

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Lucy's mails are in _Italic_ , while Natsu are in **bold**.

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" _Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little town, surrounded with nothing but mountains. It was a quiet place, home of a thousand happy people, who loved their home. But, even though everyone was happy there, there was a certain home in which lived a girl, alone._

 _She was always lonely, and never went outside. Nobody knew the reason why, so a lot of people acted like she didn't even exist. But there was a reason for her sadness. A reason far too painful for her to tell to other people, so she kept it to herself..."_

" **The reason for her being sad and sappy all the time was because... she wasn't cool! Yep, that's it. There were other kids that were super cooler that she would ever be, and she knew that very well. Ha, she could never ever ever in a million years be as cool as the others. Especially the coolest person out there. Natsu De Dragneelion. He was the best of the best. The townspeople worshiped his awesomeness! Everyone kneeled down before him when he walked by on the streets! He was amazing! And she was so jealous of his greatness that she locked herself in a tower or whatever and didn't come out!"**

" _However, Natsu De Dragneeleon had died in an awful car crash a few years ago because he was stupid and didn't watch the road like he was supposed to! So, her real reason for being sad, was because nobody understood her, and to make matters worse, nobody wanted to understand her... she was made fun of, called weird by everyone, even though she did nothing wrong."_

" **They probably didn't understand her because she was a whiny emo kid who hates everyone. She had piercings on her nose and didn't take showers for days.**

 **Natsu De Dragneeleon however, bathed every two hours. And he didn't die in a car crash! The whole thing was staged for it to look like he was dead, when he actually escaped on his red phoenix riding off into the sunset!"**

" _Where he was shot by the police for doing drugs and imagining phoenixes, and needed professional help for his many mental illnesses._

 _The girl however, was simply believed to be an emo because nobody saw her face! When actually, she was an amazing princess with the most beautiful eyes, and the most dazzling dress in the whole wide universe! All the men wanted to marry her, so that's why she moved to this town, to hide from them."_

" **But the truth is, they all wanted to marry her for her money!**

 **Natsu De Dragneeleon did not need her money because he was a gazillion times richer than she ever was, so he didn't need her! And when the police tried to shoot him, he called upon his magic fire-breathing dragon to burn he cops to ashes, as he got on his magic flying carpet, and returned back into the city to kill that corrupted emo girl!"**

" _Where he fell in love at first sight!_

 _Natsu De Dragneeleon had never seen beauty such as hers, which made all the other women in this world seem like trolls! He kneeled down on his knee, and asked her to marry him right then and there!"_

" **But the truth was, Natsu De Dragneeleon only wanted to marry her because she had a unicorn egg hidden inside her house, and he wanted to live with her in order to take it!**

 **He had a collection of all kinds of exotic animals and shit, but he didn't have a unicorn! So, they did the ceremony as fast as humanly possible, and Natsu De Dragneeleon was ready to kill the emo girl in her sleep, and kidnap the ultimate egg she was hiding for decades!"**

" _But the existence of the unicorn egg was just a myth, and it wasn't real. So, when Natsu De Dragneeleon discovered that it was a fake, he was about to divorce the princess, when he found out that that was impossible to do, because his love for her was too strong!"_

" **But the love was actually a curse given to him by the wicked witch of the west Erzah The Scarlettus. She wanted to take all of Natsu De Dragneeleon's money for herself, and she wanted to take his collection of exotic animals and shit so she could sell them!"**

" _And yet, the witch managed to take all of his cash and left Natsu De Whatever all alone on the street! Once the princess found out he was now useless, she left him, and signed the divorce papers! Natsu De What'sHisName then cried for 40 days and 40 nights after his lost princess, but she never returned!_

 _And just as he was walking down the road one day, dressed in rags and potato sacs, he met with his long lost friend, the forest fairy!"_

" **The forest fairy's name was Grayeth DaStrippereth. He was a well known son of a bitch in the entire world.**

 **He always stripped wherever he went, and used his forest fairy magic to make frilly ballerina tutus and wear them when he's all alone at night and no one is looking because he secretly likes that shit and gets turned on by ballerinas!"**

" _And that is why he fell in love with one of the world's most popular ballerinas, Juvia The Water Bearer. She was also a fine maiden, and her beauty was second only to the princess. Juvia had also fallen in love with Grayeth, and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, because they had the red string of fate attached to their fingers, connecting them for all eternity."_

" **Up until Natsu De Dragneeleon came and sliced it with his mighty sword, and the ballerina duo flew into the sun where they crashed and burned! Muahaha!**

 **Then, Natsu De Dragneeleon went to his secret underground base where he had hidden 99,9% of his riches, and the wicked witch of the west Erzah The Scarlettus went bankrupt and died out of hunger while walking the Savannah with a tiger!"**

" _And even though he had reclaimed all his treasure and wealth, Natsu De Dragneeleon was still feeling like there was something missing. Could it be that he was longing for his princess? Come to think of it, after they divorced, she disappeared off the face of the earth._

 _Since he missed her a lot, and secretly cried every day because she was the best thing that ever happened in his miserable life, he decided to start looking for his lover, and try to find her so they could get married again! So, he set out on a journey, and later found the princess hidden in a tower, but if he wanted to save her, he had to beat up a dragon outside of the tower!"_

" **And instead of taking the princess, Natsu De Dragneeleon took the dragon instead, and they lived happily ever after!"**

" _Until the dragon ate him in his sleep!"_

" **But Natsu De Dragneeleon was stronger than that, and slayed the dragon in a second!"**

" _And after that, he took the princess, apologized a thousand times, and promised to never hurt her again. So, in order to prove his love, he gave all of his riches to her, and even signed a contract saying he would love her forever! So, they built a huge castle in the sky, and lived happily._

 _But one day, the princess said she had something important to say, and the truth was, that she was actually carrying another member of the family in her stomach!"_

" **But that baby was a mutant turtle and Natsu De Dragneeleon had to cut open her stomach so he could kill the fetus before it grew up to be a teenage mutant ninja turtle!"**

" _Being bandaged up and wounded by the only man she'd ever loved, the princess gave up on love, and took all his riches instead. She paid a group of thugs to kill her former husband, and then left the castle in search of her own happiness."_

" **And that's when the zombie apocalypse started!**

 **The princess was trapped in the nearest convenience store, and couldn't get out because of all the zombies waiting for her outside. She cried like a little bitch, because she was too weak to even try and fight off a baby zombie! In fact, she was so weak that she couldn't even open a pickle jar!**

 **But Natsu De Dragneeleon had beaten up all the thugs himself, and was now riding in a Ferrari, hitting every zombie he could find, and saving lots and lots of kittens, innocent children, and old helpless grannies!"**

" _But zombies didn't even exist! They were all a part of an illusion!"_

" **WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE REAL!"**

" _But they were all killed by a meteor, and the people survived. So, piece was restored, and everyone lived in harmony."_

" **AND THAT'S WHEN THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED!**

 **Only the Avatar, master of all exotic animals and shit, could stop them."**

" _But when the world needed him most, he GOT A SPEEDING TICKET AND WAS FORBIDDEN TO DRIVE!"_

" **BUT THE PEOPLE BELIEVED THAT HE WAS THE AVATAR THAT COULD SAVE THEM ALL!"**

" _AND HE WASN'T. HE WAS JUST A ..."_

" **POKEMON MASTER! SENT ON A WILD JOURNEY WITH HIS PIKACHU TO DEFEAT THE EVIL BITCHES FROM TEAM EW AND SAVE THE PLANET FROM ALL THE MY LITTLE PONIES!"**

" _BUT IT WAS ALL IN HIS HEAD!"_

" **FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!"**

" _HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY FRIENDS!"_

" **BUT HE HAD ELECTRONIC FIGHTING ROBOT MONKEYS WHO COULD FIRE LASER BEAMS FROM THEIR RED EYES AND KILL EVERYONE!"**

" _I DON'T WANT TO WRITE ANYMORE!"_

" **SHIT.**

 **SO UH, THE UM PRINCESS TURNED OUT TO BE AN AMAZINGLY GORGEOUS MODEL WITH PRETTY BLONDE HAIR AND UM, SPARKLY BROWN EYES AND SHE WAS VERY RICH AND BEAUTIFUL AND WAS LOVED BY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD AND NATSU DE DRAGNEELEON BEGGED ON HIS KNEES SO HE COULD REMARRY HER AGAIN AND THIS TIME THEY HAD NORMAL CUTE CHILDREN AND A PET DOG AND HE EVEN GAVE EVERYTHING HE HAD TO HER, AND THE ELECTRONIC FIGHTING ROBOT MONKEYS IMPLODED INTO THE SUN.**

 **SO THEN THE PRINCESSES'S NAME TURNED OUT TO BE LUCY SO SHE BECAME LUCY DE DRAGNEELEON AND THEY LOVED EACHOTHER VERY MUCH AND NATSU DE DRAGNEELEON ONLY DID THIS STUPID HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT BECAUSE HE GOT TO BE PAIRED UP WITH HER AND UH THAT'S NOT EVEN IN THE STORY AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE UNDO BUTTON IS SO JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T READ THAT.**

 **SO UM, IN THE END, THE DRAGNEELEON FAMILY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, AND NATSU DE DRAGNEELEON WAS A JERK BUT LUCY WAS AMAZING AND STUFF AND SHE GOT TO PLAY WITH ALL HIS EXOTIC ANIMALS AND SHIT.**

 **SO, LUCY AND NATSU DRAGNEELEON WERE HAPPILY MARRIED WITH THREE CHILDREN AND LIVED THE REST OF THEIR LIFE IN PIECE AND LUCY WAS NOT AN EMO.**

 **THE END."**

" _p.s. I love you"_

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Thanks for reading. Please check out all my other stories, and don't forget to leave a review.

~With Keys, through Flames! Aye!~


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